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Jaguar's new kitten!

September 12th 2014 00:51
Now that the pomp and circumstance have died down, this, Ladies and Gentlemen is the new Jaguar.

Jaguar XE
New Jaguar XE

The XE, as this new model is called, represents a major step forward over its snoozy predecessor the X Type for plenty of reasons: One, it is not based on a Ford Mondeo and two, it does not suffer from the shrunken XJ Series 3 look the old car had.

Jaguar X-Type
Jaguar X-Type AKA Mondeo with a nice suit!

Oh, probably worth mentioning it is also rear wheel drive, placing it in the same class as its main German rivals BMW and Mercedes Benz.

The looks of the baby Jag carry a resemblance to its larger brothers and with a closer look you can pick up a bit of XF here and some XJ there, The mix is topped off with a pinch of F – Type so it does not fall into the trap as say Audi where the whole range is based on the same mould just in different sizes!

Underneath Jaguar/Tata have developed a new family of diesel engines called “Ingenium” to power the new pussy.

Maybe it is just Autoloud but I would love to know why marketing departments feel they still need to name engines? This is not America in the 1960s when names like Boss, Rocket 350 and even Golden Lion all invoked a response, a sense of pride even. A generation ago men would casually open their bonnets and say things like “Behold my slant six with triple carburettors” viewers were normally awestruck with wonderment at the mechanical powerhouse.

If engines are to be named should they not correspond to what that engine actually does? “Ingenium”, to my mind evokes responses such as: “How many gigabytes does it have?” “What software does it run?” Not an emotional response at all is it!

Jaguar need to review this decision, admittedly Ingenium-um-um may sound modern and technologically advanced, it also sounds like a rare mineral the human race will eventually invade a planet over! Suggestions more in keeping with a Jaguar theme: The “Growler 2.2” perhaps? The “Feline claw turbo diesel four slasher” has a certain ring to it.

Don’t you think?

This is the all new Volvo XC90.

Volvo XC90
New Volvo XC90

It’s big, luxurious and perfect for school run mummies everywhere.

Now if that is the case, why do they fit white (or almost) white trim? It is not just Volvo that do this, car manufacturers the world over do it - Autoloud imagines that they feel it give a luxury feel and also tricks the mind into thinking how light and airy the interior is... Mmmmm.

Volvo XC90
Volvo XC90 - clean for now!

Meanwhile back in the real world you have an SUV full of filthy kids who have just played their soccer/football game in the pouring rain who managed to turn that lovely white/ fawn/cream/light beige interior turning into one more closely resembling a caramel ripple ice - cream while the dog back in the third row who shook himself dry ten minutes ago has turned the hood lining into a replica of one of Jackson Pollock’s best works.

Of course it does not stop there - you can own a dark trim car for years and nothing will happen to it - but within three days of acquiring your shiny new white trimmed vehicle – one or all three things will happen to the interior:

A: A bored child will write a story on the pristine leather with a Laundry Marker.
B: A Big Gulp cup full of creaming soda will become airborne and land e-v-e-r-y-where
C: A child will place a half eaten sandwich in an armrest cavity, only to forget they put it there and you will eventually find months later after it has decomposed to the point where even your dog will not go in the car because of the smell.

Every Sunday is now ruined as you (and no-one else) will have to scrub, wash and wipe the trim back to a fit state for Mummy to drive on Monday lest she get a mud stain on her designer work out wear.

Volvo 240
Family Car!

Autoloud is sure the XC 90 will come with a choice of interior trim colours but the reality is none will ever match the down to earth brownness of the 1970 and 1980 Volvo 240 wagons.

Jaguar gets nostalgic

July 1st 2014 12:19
Jaguars are a paradox - on one hand there are owners all the world over who swear at their cars on a regular basis, paying thousands of dollars on unwarranted repairs only to fix one problem and then have another arrive at the most inconvenient time. The old adage in the motor industry is: If you buy a Jag for $10K make sure there is $30K worth of receipts in the glove box!

So that’s the bad news - the good news? Well, the marquee has an uncanny ability to instil emotional responses in men of all ages which range from raising the hairs on the arms to raising other parts of the male anatomy making the brand the equivalent of automotive Viagra!

Latest news from Indian owned brand is the release of two very different models which are sure to instil the same spine tingling feeling behind the wheel.

Jaguar F Type Project 7
F-Type Project 7

Check out the Jaguar F Type Project 7 - the F Type based roadster is powered by an uprated version of the supercharged V8 boasting 432 kW. Plenty of other changes including upgraded exhaust system, revised suspension and carbon brakes as standard. The retro look is added to by the racing stripes and roundels on the doors. Although it has to be said that that rear spoiler looks terrible! Only 250 units are to be built and here in the land of OZ a price premium of $100,000 plus (if it gets here) over the standard V8 F Type.

So is the Project 7 not exclusive enough for you? Okay try this!

Jaguar E Type Lightweight
Jaguar E Type Lightweight - one of 18

Back in the mists of time (1964 to be exact) Jaguar built a series of Lightweight E-Types which were more in keeping with the spirit of the Le Mans winning D Type. Aimed at competition usage eighteen were planned but only 12 were ever completed, until now. Six more will be built by Jaguar Heritage using the original six chassis numbers allocated, meaning they are essentially 1964 spec motor cars – 3.8 litre aluminium motor, no pollution gear, and no electronic nannies - just pure driving pleasure.

Of course they will cost plenty but how much exclusivity; there are only 18 after all!

Jaguar XJC
Jaguar XJC V12 - Autoloud wants!

Another rumour floating is that Jaguar Heritage may also build a limited run of race spec XJ-C V 12 coupes - that news has the hairs on the arms of Autoloud standing well and truly standing to attention.


VW Kombi
A real Kombi

A long time ago in a Car factory far far away - VW decided that the German people needed more luggage space than the Beetle (original) could provide. This gave birth to the Kombi, a veritable lounge room on wheels

[ Click here to read more ]

Honey, I shrunk the Jaguar!

April 29th 2014 04:09
If you were a British filmmaker in the swinging sixties and you needed a car to speed across the screen, then you had to feature a Jaguar MkII.

That amazing shape, the nose with the leaping cat on the bonnet and the noise from that straight six complete with Le Mans heritage made a convincing good or bad guys car

[ Click here to read more ]

Jeep sales in Australia have undergone a revival thanks to their new advertising campaign; “They bought a Jeep?” can be taken two ways:

Either: it means you approve of their purchase, or you think the buyer is suffering from some kind of medical condition which has affected their sense of reason and mental stability. Without sounding rude towards Jeep buyers Australia wide, Autoloud is firmly in the latter camp

[ Click here to read more ]

With every new car release Autoloud regrets to say that truly beautiful cars do not come along everyday.

The truly classical automobile lives in a rarified atmosphere: The Jaguar E Type (XKE), Ferrari 250 GTO and cars like the 1950 Bentley Continental can bring grown men to a babbling state of emotional discomfort. Note a common theme above? Two door coupes matched with powerful engines all laden with sex appeal in spades. Nothing wrong with that but what about family cars

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Holden - The Lion sleeps from 2017

December 11th 2013 15:23
For sixty five years Holden has been the Australian motoring icon. From humble beginnings in 1948 Holden would eventually hold a market share knocking on the door of 80 %. Those were indeed the days.

Holden Statesman
Holden WB Statesman

[ Click here to read more ]

Autoloud admits to having a soft spot for the Fiat 500 in both original and current forms

Fiat 500
Fiat 500 - Old and New

[ Click here to read more ]

Jaguar D Type
D Type - Brutal and Beautiful

If you are anything like Autoloud, you have a pre conceived idea about what cars should look like. Now, that does not mean I don't change with the times, but everyone knows that the front of a Rolls Royce will be graced by a large chrome radiator topped with a small statue. Morgans and will also look like they are frozen in time prior to World War Two and Jaguars should always resemble the D Type pictured above

[ Click here to read more ]

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