All you ever wanted to know about new car releases but were afraid to ask
June 13th 2008 13:59
Despite what members of the motoring public would have you believe, the attendance of a new car release is seldom as glamorous as you may think.
Granted, if you are a Journalist, then the opportunity to live the high life comes more frequently. Bestowed as they are by the Manufacturers with rooms in five star hotels, free trips to various parts of the world and lunches prepared by a small Frenchman known as Marcel are all part of the mystique of driving new vehicles and saying (hopefully) nice things about them.
The reality, for the rest of we plebeians, who are left to sell these things, is somewhat different.
The average new car release is a normally based on the same formula. You are served Breakfast and before it has a chance to be digested, you are flung into a three-hour presentation with such gripping subjects as “Why this year’s door handle is better and selling the benefits to the customers.” The timing of this event is perfect because if a hard night was had the evening before, this will provide a perfect opportunity to grab a Nana nap.
The rest of the programme will be presented and will conclude sometime around 4pm. This will enable you to prepare for pre dinner drinks & fellowship around 5pm.
Finally, Dinner is served along with your choice of white or red; between courses, various marketing executives will regale you with tales of this exciting new model, which no one has actually seen in the flesh yet, despite spending around 12 hours hearing about it!
The courses will continue as does the supply of wine and finally just when you have started to speak Swahili or wur your slurds. The curtain is raised and there it is… the all-new Whatever GT! A round of applause erupts across the room; the emotion of the moment carries you and your colleagues away! A perfect time for the order pads to circulate throughout the room!
Manufacturers are magnificent at this kind of subterfuge. They know all about egos and drunken car salesmen! Now this is where life begins to get interesting, imagine a poker table full of drunken men all raising each other just for the hell of it, “I’ll shee your fifteen and raise you thirty!” This continues around the table until the last player finds the bullet in this game of Automotive Russian roulette: “Give me seventy!” A hushed silence will follow. Now would be a good time to retire.
As you awake from your alcoholic haze the drive programme begins!
Either this will consist of a drive up and down a flat freeway OR a scenic drive possibly downs a coast but never both. Braver Manufacturers used to hold drive days at motor racing circuits, inevitably, though the red mist descends and everyone turns into Fangio, Moss, or Schumacher. Events like these have seen the death of many an unsuspecting rental car.
Let’s face it, we cant help it, we only sell the things.
Granted, if you are a Journalist, then the opportunity to live the high life comes more frequently. Bestowed as they are by the Manufacturers with rooms in five star hotels, free trips to various parts of the world and lunches prepared by a small Frenchman known as Marcel are all part of the mystique of driving new vehicles and saying (hopefully) nice things about them.
The reality, for the rest of we plebeians, who are left to sell these things, is somewhat different.
The average new car release is a normally based on the same formula. You are served Breakfast and before it has a chance to be digested, you are flung into a three-hour presentation with such gripping subjects as “Why this year’s door handle is better and selling the benefits to the customers.” The timing of this event is perfect because if a hard night was had the evening before, this will provide a perfect opportunity to grab a Nana nap.
The rest of the programme will be presented and will conclude sometime around 4pm. This will enable you to prepare for pre dinner drinks & fellowship around 5pm.
Finally, Dinner is served along with your choice of white or red; between courses, various marketing executives will regale you with tales of this exciting new model, which no one has actually seen in the flesh yet, despite spending around 12 hours hearing about it!
The courses will continue as does the supply of wine and finally just when you have started to speak Swahili or wur your slurds. The curtain is raised and there it is… the all-new Whatever GT! A round of applause erupts across the room; the emotion of the moment carries you and your colleagues away! A perfect time for the order pads to circulate throughout the room!
Manufacturers are magnificent at this kind of subterfuge. They know all about egos and drunken car salesmen! Now this is where life begins to get interesting, imagine a poker table full of drunken men all raising each other just for the hell of it, “I’ll shee your fifteen and raise you thirty!” This continues around the table until the last player finds the bullet in this game of Automotive Russian roulette: “Give me seventy!” A hushed silence will follow. Now would be a good time to retire.
As you awake from your alcoholic haze the drive programme begins!
Either this will consist of a drive up and down a flat freeway OR a scenic drive possibly downs a coast but never both. Braver Manufacturers used to hold drive days at motor racing circuits, inevitably, though the red mist descends and everyone turns into Fangio, Moss, or Schumacher. Events like these have seen the death of many an unsuspecting rental car.
Let’s face it, we cant help it, we only sell the things.
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